The weird stuff we say to ourselves.
You don’t know what it’s like to live a totally worry-free life. You can’t even imagine it. In fact, a complete lack of anxiety sounds … like a potential problem. What would motivate you, then?
Anxiety pushes you to achieve your goals. You worry about gaining weight, so you join a gym and start another diet. You worry about failing the test, so you set aside extra hours of study time. You worry about getting fired, so you make an honest effort to get to work on time.
Where would you be without worry?
Recently, my counselor asked me how I’d like to describe myself if I could choose. First he asked me to share the one word that would explain how I see myself now, and I said, “Pathetic.” Then he asked what descriptor would, ideally, replace that word. After some thought, I chose calm.
I’d like to respond calmly to every situation that I face. I’d like to bask in the freedom that Christ won for me–but at the same time, this skeptical part of my brain says that I need anxiety to make any progress. Otherwise I might stop caring altogether.
Otherwise I might get fat.
I’d like to bask in the freedom that Christ won for me.
I’m trying something new the past week or so, letting go of my goals temporarily to remind myself that God loves me this way. Not that I don’t want to improve. Not that I don’t acknowledge my faults. I’m just attempting to grasp the truth that He approves of me right now, as I am.
Here’s what I’ve noticed so far in my little experiment: I’m staying up later, going to more movies, eating out and having a glass of wine. I’m drinking peach milkshakes and reading silly novels and, occasionally, buying pretty new clothes. Those aren’t habits that I’d generally recommend.
They haven’t sent me spiraling into self-destruction, either–at least, not yet.
God told you not to worry.
He must have known what he was talking about. He must have wanted you to trust Him instead of relying on your own internal angst to keep you going. There must be some other way to stay motivated besides anxiety … but there’s only one way to find out. You need to take the risk.
God really does love you. He really does want the best for you. It’s OK to let go of your worries for a while and trust Him, whatever that looks like for you right now.
He won’t let you down.
The Reluctant Bride