5 Reasons I’m Glad I Got Married

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Daniel Swanson Photography

I’m not advising you to get married.

I’m also not suggesting that married people have more fulfillment in their lives than single people. I’m simply sharing my experience because I expected to hate marriage.

Weird, right?

I’d heard about how “hard” marriage would be, and I experienced a lot of fear and indecision beforehand, so I can honestly say that my marriage has turned out to be a pleasant surprise. Sometimes it’s nice to recall the good decisions that you’ve made.

Here are five aspects of married life that I love:

1. Companionship

Ordinary tasks take on more meaning when you share them with someone. I’ve always felt this way. Even in college, when a dear friend helped me clean my dorm room, the chore became a bonding experience. Now that I’m married, grocery shopping or cooking dinner can become a date. My husband calls this “life-ing” together.

I’d much rather fold laundry for us than for me. Long drives to audio gigs become special memories. Yard work becomes an opportunity for conflict management. Watching Netflix on the couch doesn’t feel like a waste of time because we get to cuddle. Companionship imbues my mundane moments with a greater sense of purpose.

2. Friendship

Growing up, my best girlfriends and I giggled about the same boys. We stayed up late, watching Disney movies and eating raw cookie dough. We wore matching outfits. Honestly, marriage feels a little like that sometimes.  My husband and I sit around the house most evenings, telling each other about something cute our cat just did.

We stay up too late on work nights watching funny YouTube videos. We reference obsolete Office quotes and laugh at our own jokes. We have long phone conversations while driving, sharing every uninteresting detail of our day. We eat ice cream straight from the carton and record music videos together. Basically, we’re besties.

3. Company

I don’t do well on my own. Once upon a time, when I lived in a house full of siblings, parents, and grandparents, I craved “alone time” to play with my beanie babies. As an adult, I have discovered that I need someone with me. My semester in Oxford, England first impressed this lesson on me, and married life has provided further confirmation.

It’s not that I can’t ever be alone. Sometimes I enjoy a nice hot bath, a novel, or an evening to myself to clean the bathroom sinks. I recently flew to California for a one-night business trip, and I didn’t have a nervous breakdown in the hotel room. After a day or two without quality time, though, I get sad. My husband makes me feel more secure.

4. Partnership

I think this is the part people are talking about when they say that marriage is “hard.” You react immaturely to a stressful situation, and your spouse gets to see the worst side of you. Then your spouse hits a low point, and you wonder how the two of you will ever recover. In the worst of times, you sink simultaneously. Those times really stink.

The way I see it, everyone goes through something horrible at some point, married or otherwise. No, it’s not fun to bear someone else’s burden. It’s also not very enjoyable for them to carry yours … but we have no other option. I don’t know about you, but I certainly can’t handle my issues alone.

5. Growth

Stagnation is probably my worst fear. Fortunately for me, it’s literally impossible to remain stagnant when you’re married–at least, that seems to be the case for Evan and me. We push all of each other’s buttons, which means that we have lots of … opportunities to mature. We don’t have a choice if we want to get along.

Most recently, my husband is learning to balance his work and home life, and I’m learning to give him space when he needs it. We’re both finding these lessons to be very challenging, but we’re better for it (I hope). I’d like to say that I’m a little more of an adult since getting married: more confident, more capable, and a tad less self-focused.

Jesus does all of this, too.

I’m abundantly relieved to discover that married life can be so great. I’m also learning, though, how much I still need Jesus.

It makes sense to me that the Bible calls Jesus the Bridegroom. Of course we all need constant, supportive people in our lives, but Jesus does it best. He’s willing to be our Companion, Friend, and Helper. He knows exactly when to push us and when to be gentle. He promises never to leave us alone.

I sure hope this blog post doesn’t discourage you if you’re not married because Jesus wants so much to be all of this for you and more. He wants that for me, too. As much as I rely on my husband, Evan can’t be my only source of strength. Jesus can.

I’m thankful to have both of them.

Love,

The Reluctant Bride

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Daniel Swanson Photography

 

The Trouble with Stress (Why I’m Not a Newlywed)

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Daniel Swanson Photography
  1. Stress makes you grind and clench your teeth while you sleep.
  2. Stress makes you buy expensive mouth guards from the dentist.
  3. Stress gives you migraines.
  4. Stress makes your eyes cross so that you can’t read your emails at work.
  5. Stress makes you stop drinking coffee.
  6. Stress brings you back to your Bible.
  7. Stress helps you open up to friends and family.
  8. Stress, like everything else, comes from God to teach you something.
  9. Stress allows you to recognize that you’re handling it better this time.
  10. Stress propels you from one phase of life to another.

I’m not a newlywed any more.

I acknowledged this fact sitting on the couch with my husband, holding his hand. We clearly loved each other — and even liked each other — but it felt different because we chose to feel and act that way. Let me explain.

For large portions of our early marriage, we rode the wave of our fickle emotions. Since my husband and I are very, very emotional people, that was a pretty wild ride. Sometimes we were giddily in love, and sometimes we were desperately miserable. Sometimes those two emotions occurred within the span of a few hours.

For reasons outside of our control, June had been a hard, heavy month. We felt the heaviness on the night of our transition from newlyweds to regular married people. No amount of conversation could lighten the burden, so we were silent together. Then we watched the World Cup and held hands on the couch because we were married.

No matter what.

And I felt proud of us because being sad together, with no obvious solution or end to the sadness, requires courage and a portion of maturity — and when did that happen?

Being sad together requires courage.

It’s funny because, back when I was making up my mind about marrying him, I kept telling myself that marriage would be so hard because everyone said it was so hard. I kept envisioning a future full of angst and fights and stomach aches. Now I’m living in that part of marriage, I guess, but “those people” weren’t exactly correct.

I think what frustrates me the most about statements like marriage is hard is that they’re such sweeping generalizations; they don’t give you an accurate or compelling picture of what so hard actually feels like . . . because you know this person so well and love his soft lips and stubbly face and want him to hug you tightly even when you’re deeply sad.

To say that marriage is so hard misses the point of marriage, which is your spouse. It also ignores the forward trajectory of marriage, which never stays in the same place for long. My newlywed phase only lasted two and half years, and that’s not a bad thing. Just because I’m stressed out right now doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy, too.

Love,

The Reluctant Bride

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Daniel Swanson Photography

5 Reasons I Love Wedding Photos

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Daniel Swanson Photography

I will seriously be your friend on Facebook just so I can look at your wedding photos.

Part of the reason I started this blog was so that I’d have an excuse to share my wedding photos, and I have thoroughly enjoyed doing so. (On a side note, I highly recommend Daniel Swanson Photography for anyone living in the Denver area.) I have spent long periods of time clicking through photos of people I hardly know and have probably come across as creepy due to hitting “like” so many times. Because I know nothing about photography, I am simply going to explore my emotions surrounding wedding photos and hopefully discover why, exactly, I love them so much.

With permission, I have chosen a few photos from the weddings of friends to illustrate what I love about wedding photos in general. If I didn’t choose yours, it’s not because I don’t love them. These were simply the first ones I thought of.

1. Light

Brides standing in front of windows, light streaming through their veils and the fabric of their dresses. Bridal parties standing under trees, light filtering through the leaves. Couples leaving receptions, their faces lit by a hundred sparklers. It seems to me that each wedding album has its own mood, and that mood comes across in the lighting.

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Anna Lee Photography

2. Personalities

In my experience, people tend to be happy at weddings, and I really like photos of happy people. I love photos of dads getting choked up, bridesmaids dancing like dorks, or couples being totally adorable. Weddings are about people, and some of the best photos capture simple moments between people who love each other.

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Andrew Burns Photography

3. Details

Some brides are so doggone creative. I love the little touches that make a wedding unique. I have personally attended weddings that should dominate Pintrest.

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Anna Perevertaylo Photography

4. Colors

Every once in a while I’ll see a wedding photo that pops, and it’s usually because of a bright color or contrast between colors. Again, I’m neither a photographer nor an artist; I just happen to love bright colors. Plus, I know that people tend to choose the colors they love most when they plan a wedding. Maybe displaying those colors in a photo helps show a piece of who they are.

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Daniel Swanson Photography

5. Romance

I’m a little obsessed with kissing photos, as my photographer quickly discovered when I requested about ten different poses involving a kiss. I come from a long line of couples who love each other, as does my husband, and it makes me all gushy to see people who are genuinely in love.

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Daniel Swanson Photography

In short, I love wedding photos because I love pretty things, and I love the feeling of joy accompanying this occasion. If you want to make me really happy, comment on this post by sharing a favorite wedding photo, and then tell me what you love about it. It can be from your own wedding or from a friend’s. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who walks down magazine aisles flipping through page after page of white dresses. Help me add to my list of reasons wedding photos are wonderful.

Love,

The Reluctant Bride

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Daniel Swanson Photography
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Anna Perevertaylo Photography
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Andrew Burns Photography
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Daniel Swanson Photography