The ground feels steady under my shoes today.
I had been in survival mode for months, barely breaking the surface long enough to breathe before stress and exhaustion dragged me into darkness again. I had stopped enjoying my job, my stomach tightening every time I approached the parking garage at my office building. My talented, ambitious, hardworking husband filled evenings and weekends with homework, live gigs, and recording, so loneliness often tainted my hours at home. As for the state of my house, when I could no longer see an inch of clear space on tables or countertops, I sent a pathetic text message to my grandma, asking her to help me clean (which, of course, she immediately did). I lost touch with friends, stopped blogging, skipped church, and rarely read the Bible.
Today feels better — and not just today, but the past many days and weeks. I see a definite trend toward personal and professional improvement and significantly higher levels of emotional stability. I’d like to pinpoint the exact cause that led to this highly desirable effect, but I think the truth involves multiple variables.
1. A toxic person dropped suddenly and permanently out of my life.
I find it disturbing that a single negative influence can wield such destructive power; I didn’t realize how much I had been affected by regular contact with this individual until our interactions ceased and the sun resumed shining.
2. I started exercising regularly again.
For six consecutive weeks I completed three cardio workouts and one yoga workout per week. Sometimes they only lasted ten minutes, but I never missed a day. Thanks to a little discipline, I bid headaches goodbye at long last.
3. My spirit (finally) adjusted to a full-time work schedule.
Took me a little longer than I anticipated, but after a year and a half of 40-hour work weeks, I no longer feel constantly overwhelmed by my daily life. For the first time in recent memory, I have actually begun to experience boredom again!
Sometimes the process of transitioning seems unbearably long.
Sometimes the process of transitioning seems unbearably long and my small improvements so unimpressive. I still don’t go to bed early enough; dirty laundry lies in heaps on my bedroom floor; and my attempts at meal prep are far from consistent. More than anything else, the past two years have clearly revealed to me my own weakness. Hopefully I’ve learned a little humility. With the assistance of the Holy Spirit, I pray that I would also develop compassion for others struggling to develop healthy habits.
Since our good God offers grace to us, the least we can do is extend it to one another.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. – 1st Thessalonians 5:11
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. – 2nd Corinthians 12:9
The Reluctant Bride 
Progress is always a crazy road. I feel the same way as you – slow sometimes and not always steady. The more toxic people that go, the better. Keep documenting your progress. Good or bad. I find for me, God works on me through my writing.
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Thank you! 🙂
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